THOU SHALT LOVE THY BODY
We all have our hang-ups (big and small!), but there’s no point in bringing them up all the time and drawing attention to them. Nothing is guaranteed to turn him off more than things like: “Don’t look at my bum, it is a bit flabby but I’ll go to aerobics tomorrow” or “I know my boobs are small but they look better in a Wonderbra, right?”.
He’s not your best friend. He’s not your therapist. He’s not there to reassure you about yourself: he’s there to share your body and enjoy sex with you. Put yourself in his shoes: how would you feel if he was constantly beating himself up and pointing out his less-than-perfect bits to you? It’s just not attractive! The fact that he’s with you must prove you’re what he likes, so stop being so disparaging about yourself. And stop hiding away in polonecks and constricting your breathing to hold your stomach in when you’re getting intimate!
The happier you are with your body, the more you’ll both get out of sex.
Our advice: Think like Sharon Stone, who once said in an interview that at the crucial moment, men have other things on their mind than looking out for cellulite. Relax!
THOU SHALT DRIVE HIM WILD
Turning him on isn’t just about a certain part of his anatomy. A plunging neckline, a knowing smile and a little cheeky little glance can go a long way! This is what we call the approach technique: making him forget all about his previous desires and sending him an invitation that will make him go weak at the knees. It all starts from here: once he’s aroused, even the slightest gesture on your part will feel like a prelude to uncontainable pleasure for him!
Learn to take your time and don’t forget that making him wait will make him want you all the more. Don’t give in to what your body’s telling you on your first night together; make him understand you’re interested. Let the sparks fly, but don’t go for a full-on explosion the first time. It’ll be worth it in the end! It’s all about suggestion: let your strap slip down to unveil your bare shoulder, send him a furtive glance before you touch him, or say it with a smile or a silence – gestures can often speak louder than words.
Our advice: Here’s a road-tested little formula that’s bound to get him begging you for more…
Get him to sit on the bed and forbid him to touch you until you say so. All he can do is watch. Wearing suitably sexy, skimpy clothing (sexy undies, heels and his shirt make a good combo), give him a brief but potent striptease and then start touching yourself, slowly, looking him in the eyes from time to time. Men are obsessed with female masturbation and see it as an ultimate fantasy, and he’s sure to find it arousing. It’s up to you to decide when he can join in…
THOU SHALT LET HIM OGLE YOU
Men love to look at beautiful women. That’s why they have lads mags (and before they discover lads’ mags, they flip through the underwear section of their mums’ catalogues!). Men are voyeurs, and they get turned on visually. So why deprive them of what they want to see? Stop turning the lights out (a few candles are fine!) and allow him the pleasure of looking at you.
Suggestive poses will highlight your best assets: arch your back, part your legs slightly, take your bra off and don’t cross your arms over your chest! And don’t keep your eyes closed: enjoy watching the show. Meeting each other’s gazes is a real turn-on too.
Our advice: Men like to ogle you, so indulge him: set yourselves up in front of a mirror. If what you see makes you feel uncomfortable, keep your back to the mirror. He’ll be able to appreciate his performance and he’ll feel like he’s getting a private show!
THOU SHALT GO FOR HIS EROGENOUS ZONES
Like women, men don’t just get their thrills from one place: they have several erogenous zones (areas of the body which produce sexual arousal when stimulated). And they often lament the fact that we don’t pay enough attention to them! So get to know them and you’ll be able to explore them using all the different techniques: kissing, caressing, nibbling, sucking, licking, ticking and the rest.
Everything (or almost everything!) except his genitals…
The lips, neck and, for some, the ears can detonate real thrills. And don’t forget the interior of his thighs, where his skin is very delicate, his nipples if he likes them being touched, and, of course, his bum. You love looking at, so why not pay it more attention in bed? Touch, massage and tickle his bum with a feather. You’ll tell from his reaction he’s enjoying it!
We all know penises contain tiny, ultra-sensitive nerves, but do you really know the nature of the beast?
The penis is composed of the base (the bit which is attached to the rest of his body!), which should be firmly gripped; the shaft, which we tend to focus on and which they like to be touched in all sorts of ways; and the rim (the little rim of skin between the shaft and the glans), which is supersensitive. Not forgetting the glans, the head, which is covered by the foreskin or exposed if he’s circumcised. The head is very receptive to oral and manual stimulation, a bit like the clitoris. Treat it with due care and attention…
Some men like their testicles fondling or taking into the mouth, but others don’t appreciate you going near their scrotum! The anus may be a bit taboo for some, others experience intense pleasure there from stimulation, kissing and… see Commandment 7! Don’t go there if he doesn’t seem happy about it though, because it could give him a mental block.
The membrane of the perineum (located between the anus and the genitals) is very fine and very sensitive. If you fondle or caress this area, applying light pressure or moving in circles with the tips of your fingers) while you’re masturbating him or giving him oral sex, satisfaction will be guaranteed! It’s not an area we think about stimulating, but it can produce explosive orgasms.
Our advice: Imagine you’re Brigitte Bardot in Contempt: every time you get to one of his erogenous zones, ask him if he likes it. His little moans of contentment will tell you if you’ve hit the spot!
THOU SHALT FIND HIS G SPOT
The experts are divided over what to call the male G spot, and many women are simply in the dark as to where it is. The male G spot is located next to the urethra and the prostrate, on the back wall of the inside of the rectum, (separating the penis from the anus). OK, so it’s not easy to find, but with a bit of perseverance, practice and… lube, impossible is nothing.
Put a finger up his anus and move your way around the rectal wall. When you feel a prominent spot the size of a walnut, you’re there! Massage it with care, gently but firmly, for explosive results.
Our advice: Relax him (and get easy access) by going for his G spot while you give him oral sex or a hand job with your other hand.
THOU SHALT EXPRESS THYSELF MORE
We’re talking about expressing your desires and pleasure here. It’ll encourage him and give him useful directions to take you to the clouds above. For shy types, little sighs of satisfaction and handy pointers, as simple as “here, there, higher, right there” are a step on the way! More verbal types can let him know he’s doing it right with cries of ecstasy, and can give more specific instructions such as: “I love it when you touch my breasts” or “It drives me crazy when you put your hands there” or “I love it when you kiss me down there.” You get the picture.
Once you get into the game, you’ll soon lose those inhibitions and you might find yourself surprised at the language you find yourself using! Everyone’s a winner here: he’ll be flattered and encouraged into being even more enthusiastic about pleasing you. Many men admit to being turned on by hearing women cry with pleasure or use vulgar language in bed. And if you express yourself properly you won’t need to bite your lips with pain if his idea of ‘stimulation’ feels as if he’s scrubbing a floor or scrabbling in his pocket for loose change…
Our advice: Don’t give him military orders! You don’t want to scare him off or scare him out of doing what you want him to do. And if he’s a delicate, romantic flower then talking dirty might not sound like music to his sensitive ears!
THOU SHALT TRUST HIM
Despite the image they often give out, all men have their doubts about their sexual prowess and could lose their cool in front of a woman who comes over as highly sexual. They need reassurance! Flatter him by showing him he’s the only object of your desire and the only man on Earth who can turn you on like he does. Compliment the way he touches you and show him you’re in ecstasy when he hits the spot. He’ll never want to leave a woman who values him…
If you’re over-aggressive or too direct, not only will you scare him but it could all be over too quickly – and speedy, unsatisfying sex leaves you with a feeling of frustration. Learn to touch him gently and don’t go straight for the obvious! Men like a gentle approach too. Caress his thighs ever so gently, let your fingers wander over his neck, hold his hand and take things slowly.
Our advice: Don’t ever get motherly with him. Reassuring him is good; mothering him, however, is not. There’s nothing guaranteed to send him bolting for the door quicker than talking to him like a kid. Example: “It’s all right sweetheart, you’re doing really well.” Argh!
THOU SHALT MAKE THE FIRST MOVE
Men often complain that they’re always the ones who have to the first move for sex and they’d appreciate us jumping on them (or at least showing a bit of initiative once in a while). So take the plunge and let him know you’re up for it. Sometimes a long look and a knowing smile is enough to get the message across…
But at other times we do need to be a bit more explicit. Try whispering: “I want you” covertly in his ear while you’re out with friends, sending him a cheeky text message at work, or letting your hands wander all over him while you’re watching TV, to make your intentions crystal clear! If you’re shy about it, a long, deep, lingering kiss is the first step to the bedroom!
Our advice: Choose the right moment to be the one to make the first move. If he’s just had a run-in with his boss, he’s probably not going to be in the mood. If he’s glued to the Cup Final, it’s a no-no: don’t ever try and compete with football. When you sense he’s calm, receptive and relaxed, take the opportunity to show him you’re happy to make the first move.